This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
