at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
