I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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