Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
