I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Fuck appropriateness.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Randomize
