I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
