Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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