Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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