HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
