apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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