Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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