he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Sorry my hands just texted you
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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