You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
