shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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