She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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