he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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