Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
