You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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