my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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