the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
