i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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