Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize