Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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