That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
