the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
