So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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