There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
