This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
