you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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