11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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