apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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