Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
