sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
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