Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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