Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
