We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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