Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
