on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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