I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
