I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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