It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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