I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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