a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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