im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
