I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
