hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
