She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
