If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize