I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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