Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
