My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
