She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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