Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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