I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
vagina is talking i cant
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
