One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
