i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
