My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
