oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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