"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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