You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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