Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
