if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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