i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize