Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
time to smoke my breakfast
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
