If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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