I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
