god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Shame - the story of my life.
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