I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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