didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He has the fingertips of a God
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