Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
