Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
