whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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