So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
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