drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
