My Higher Power is John Stamos
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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