at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
