Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
