"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize