if i died would you start the facebook group?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
