Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
How external is "for external use only"?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
