zippers are such a cool invention
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
