We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
try to milk me bitch
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