oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
