This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
