we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
