You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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