so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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