No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
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