People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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