uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
