i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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