I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Randomize
