garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
