so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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