Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
