I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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