I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
