Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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