A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
