You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He better not be in your backpack
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
