I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
