Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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