We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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