it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Randomize
