See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize