At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
