I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
false alarm, still single
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
