tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Mom said you looked used
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
