I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
