pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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