Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
