dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
