I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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