So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
