I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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